


Plastic Dick

by malapropsy



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Also icb Officer Person is an actual Person, DPD shenanigans, Gen, M/M, Minor Officer Person, RK900 does not actually appear in this story, RK900 is Nines, was betaed we die like the prepared deviants we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 23:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16397264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malapropsy/pseuds/malapropsy
Summary: In which: Gavin has a pressing question, Connor abandons his homework halfway through and nobody really gets anything done today.





	Plastic Dick

“ _Connor_ ,” barked an extremely unpleasant voice, early one morning in the precinct. “You fucking plastic bitch, look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Connor sighed, turning along to Gavin’s grip on his arm. The human looked angry, which is one of his two default expression whenever Connor sees him, with the other being smug and very little change in between the two. Connor has taken it to himself to dedicate megabytes of his memory to aforesaid changes of expression, including one he had internally labeled as _GavinReed_knockedonhisass_. _png_.

“Good morning, Detective Reed,” Connor intoned, when he saw that the odds of Gavin, as Hank would put it, flipping his shit, increase to a staggering 80% at Connor’s silence. “How can I not help you?”

Gavin’s jaw dropped, and Connor gleefully saved it to his memory as Gavin turned to Hank with an incredulous expression. “What the fuck is wrong with him?”

Hank shrugged with his whole body, dripping some coffee on the ground as he did so. “Said it was part of his homework for being deviant or something. Learning to say no to humans. He’s been like that for two days.”

“No, I haven't,” Connor said cheerfully.

Hank snorted, fond as ever, and reached out to ruffle Connor’s hair before he stumbled to his desk, leaving Gavin and Connor to stand there. Like idiots. Or close co-workers. Close enough that Connor can admire the scar on Gavin’s forehead where Connor had knocked him down several months ago in the Evidence Room.

“Detective Reed, if I remembered correctly, I wasn’t going to help you with something?”

“Fuck you,” Gavin said, almost automatically. “Fuck that…opposite day bullshit thing okay? I need to ask you something.”

“Unfortunate.”

“Hey, _fuck_ you,” Gavin said again. He suddenly stopped and looked around, and Connor helpfully joined in his observation. There was only Officer Person, who waved at Connor and Connor waved back and smiled. Officer Person is _definitely_ exempted from his negative communication homework. She always shows him the best animal videos.

“C’mon,” Gavin said, pulling Connor into the men’s bathroom. Connor was then treated to the sight of Gavin checking each stall for any witnesses to whatever question he needed to ask Connor so badly. That was stupid, if Connor was being honest, Connor himself could instantly stream whatever he was seeing into every computer on the DPD network if he so much felt the inclination to do so. There will be _all_ the witnesses.

“Okay, we’re clear,” Gavin said, as he checked the last stall. “Look, you know how Nines and I are uh, dating right?”

“Nines has terrible taste in humans,” Connor confessed, enjoying how Gavin visibly _twitched_ as he tried to stop himself from lunging. Connor decided that he liked being on the other hand of the negotiating. It was really quite refreshing. “But yes, I do know.”

“Right,” It was really interesting how different each human being reacted to stressors. Detective Reed apparently, is the kind of human who sweats a lot. “Right, of course you know. You probably share everything with each other don’t you?”

“Contrary to popular belief, Nines and I are not actually siblings,” Connor reminded him. “We just share physical similarities. Also, Nines likes his privacy and I intend to honour his wishes.”

“So he never told you about our relationship then?” Gavin demanded. “Nothing about…how we are or anything?”

“I wouldn’t even want to know in the first place,” Connor assured him, patting Gavin on the shoulder.

Gavin deflated, relieved for a second, before tensing once again. He shot another shifty eyed glance to the stalls behind them, illogical as the action was and leaned in closer to Connor, almost whispering, which is also stupid because Connor’s auditory sensors can pick up and record anything a human can throw at him.

“Look,” Gavin hissed. “We’re doing great alright? It’s all fine and good and suddenly Nines tells me he’s ready to take the next step.”

“I wasn’t aware android-human weddings were already legalized,” Connor told him. “Congratulations.”

“You stupid fucking piece of shit,” Gavin raged, pulling Connor by his coat. “I’m talking about _sex_. Nines said he’s ready to have _sex_.”

“Congratulations, again,” Connor said. “But I hate that you told me that and I never want to hear about it ever again.”

“Well, tough shit,” Gavin said. “I’m not done.”

“No.”

“I’m not _done_ ,” Gavin stressed. “Look, I love Nines and if you tell him that I’ll deny it, but before I’m ready for anything like that I need to know okay? What…what the fuck are you guys packing down there huh? Is there any freaky shit I should know about?”

“You could’ve asked Nines this yourself.”

“I can’t ask Nines about this!” Gavin said. “Look, you said it yourself, Nines likes his privacy right? I don’t want to make him too uncomfortable asking questions and shit alright?”

“ _I’m_ uncomfortable,” Connor complained.

“I don’t give a shit about _your_ feelings.”

Connor blew a raspberry. A YK500 had taught him that during one of his Jericho visits and it had been a remarkably effective tool in derailing uncomfortable conversation. Gavin’s dumbfounded look also made it better.

“To answer your question,” Connor said. “Which, for the record, I don’t _need_ to. I wouldn’t know what Nines is packing down there.”

“What, like…it could be…something else?”

“No, Detective Reed, I wouldn’t know what Nines is packing down there because I’m not packing anything down there.”

Connor savoured the moment of silence Gavin’s granted him as he processed the information, before the loud “ _BULLSHIT—_ ,” exploded from the human detective. “ _They didn’t give you genitals?!_ ”

“No of course not,” Connor said. “I wasn’t built for sexual gratification. Why _would_ they give me genitals?”

“Why would they _not_ give you genitals?” Gavin said, incredulous. “That’s a fucking crime against humanity.”

“I’m a _prototype_ , Detective Reed,” Connor said patiently. “I wasn’t built for much beyond chasing deviants and solving crime. Cyberlife wouldn’t have given me genitals even if I wanted them to. Which, for the record, I don’t.”

“So, what? You’re like a Ken Doll down there or…?” Gavin glanced down to the front of Connor’s pants before his head snapped back to Connor’s face, horrified. “Wait, does that mean _Nines_ doesn’t…”

“I wouldn’t know,” Connor said. He pried Gavin’s fingers from his jacket and pulled away, giving them distance from each other. “I suggest you ask Nines that himself. After all, you _are_ taking the “next step”.”

Connor had taken several steps away from Gavin and was almost out of the door before he decided to turn around and face the silent human.

“Also for the record,” Connor said, watching Gavin’s head turn to him. “The probability of Nines packing down there is higher than the probability he isn’t.”

Connor closed the door.

  


 

 

 

 

The next day, Connor had looked up from a ridiculously adorable video of a cat eating its food noisily Officer Person was showing him to see Gavin walking to the break room. Connor noted the looseness of his shoulders, the spring in his steps and the fairly hidden wincing each springy step caused before he decided to call out to Gavin.

“ _HEY DETECTIVE REED_ ,” Connor called, deliberately increasing his volume higher. “ _HOW WAS HIS GENITALS?_ ”

The resulting shriek from Gavin and the blistering fury on his face was also saved in Connor’s memory.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I haven't published anything for a literal ten years and if a game about sentient androids is where I'll restart so be it. Comments, kudos and the like are appreciated. Yell at me @monikererror on tumblr if you want. Thanks for reading!


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